College is starting to burn me out. I love my course but I’ve been feeling very negative and very angry lately. I came into college knowing what I wanted, I was very serious, but now, in the middle of everything, I feel a little lost, maybe just tired and unwilling to put in the hard work necessary to fulfill the things I actually still love doing; love, hidden in exhaustion.
I’ve come to realize more and more that I’m very concerned about what people think; more specifically, that people don’t find me shallow or superficial and in the process I end up being miserable and stuck up. I used to get really annoyed with people who had too much pride because it made them difficult, but here I am finding myself sucked into the same mold.
I’m in the middle of my stay in college and overall, I think I’ve been doing well. Sometimes I feel unproductive and tend to beat myself up over not being “as good as I should be” or something like that. During my three semester and one intersession (summer semester) as an English Literature major, I’ve choreographed for both a PE class and a chorale competition, performed in a musical, was a tech booth team member for two plays, lost and gained a lot of weight, and decided that I would minor in Filipino Literature.
Not bad, I guess. Though I don’t see myself going back to theatre or performing until the semester after this coming one. I don’t want to be burned-out. I’ve experienced it before when I was training for ballet. I could write about my experience with burnout here, if anyone’s interested. 🙂
This coming semester will be dedicated to making happy memories. My sister is moving in with me and I’m excited about having a sort of “instant friend” who I can drag around anytime. She’ll still be homeschooling or self-teaching, though she’ll be attending an open university program by another school near mine. Still, I suppose she’d be less busy than me… mehehehe. Also, wish her luck blogging about her experiences here: https://foralastair.wordpress.com.
I just skimmed past Cheri Lucas Rowland’s blog here on WordPress which I have long been admiring for its laid back-ness and casual seriousness (?). What I mean by “casual seriousness” is how she writes about whatever comes to her head on her Notebook page but what she writes is still worth reading. At least for me.
This is quite a long post so I shall end here. 🙂 I think my next post will be about the connection between this blog and what an English Literature major does. Thanks for reading!